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  • by Carolyn Lackey

Reason for Return


I have been sitting here staring at my computer screen for longer than I'd like to admit. I can't quite decide on the answer to the question. "Why are you returning this?" There's a story.

Kelly and I were sitting on the back porch last weekend talking about how fun it would be to have a volleyball net in the pool. So, I started scrolling around on Amazon for pool "toys."

Let me back up a bit. If you've been hanging out with me since my old blog, Finding the Funny, you know that my husband has waged war with poop for yeeears. At our last house, it was bird poop. At this house, it's fox poop. Well, AND bird poop. We can be sitting out on the back porch having a lovely family meal, and all of a sudden, Alan will LEAP from his chair and run towards the pool clapping his hands loudly while yelling "GET OUTTA HERE!" at a dove that has casually landed on the edge of the spa to quench its thirst. The man can go from "Amen" to "GET OUT OF HERE!" in 3 seconds flat. He has also been known to bang loudly on our windows to scare the birds off of our porch.

When I saw THIS, I started laughing harder than any 61-year-old woman should.

"Oh, man, this would be a great trick to play on Alan!" I said.

Then, I started reading the product Q&A out loud to Kelly. We laughed so hard we almost pooped our pants. Here...YOU read it without LOL. You can't.

See what I mean?

At this point, Bryce joined us on the porch. He failed to "find the funny." "I don't think that Dad would like that," said he. "That's the whole point!" laughed I.

"I'm totally orderin' that! I can't wait to see Alan's face when he sees POOP floating in the pool!" I swiped right and placed the order.

The box arrived. I opened it. Ugh. It's gross. It's huge. I. Just. Couldn't. Do. It.

I decided to return the "Floater."

Now, I'm sitting staring at my screen trying to come up with a reason for the return. Nothing seems to apply.

I'm torn between "Missing or broken parts" and "Item defective or doesn't work."


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